when you least expect it.

So I get hit yesterday with one of the things that could just ruin your day. Why God let it happen, I don't know. Especially since I had just gotten baptised. It's like Bam, lets ruin nikki's day, and the rest of her grade ten. When she'll probably never see him again after that or anything. Everything was fine up until that point, and somehow something happened that caused him to tell me that it just wouldn't work. After everything, I had been led on, and yet one of his favorite songs is "baby, you've got to be more discerning" I wish.. I wish I was so I wouldn't let my heart fall time and time again.

lovealways

listen.

How am i suppose to listen to God? Is it like.. okay God.. speak to me with words. I doubt I am going to hear some narrator voice like we do in movies. I wish though, it would make life so much easier for myself. I have situations, with guys, that I just don't know what to do at the moment. I really want God to show me, and I have this urge to ask my mom about it. Maybe that's god saying that I should talk to her about it, but I don't know.. it could just be my mind telling me so. In what ways does God speak to you?

Through dreams, friends, family members, or through music? It's like i'm sitting here waiting on a sign of some kind.. oh when will it come.

this heart it beats, beats for only you.

why do I do what I do?
in the end I'm just going to get in trouble.
God, was this what you wanted?
Let me know, because at this point I'm totally confused.. I have no clue where you're leading me.
Shine some light upon this situation. It was so.. sudden and unexpected.

"I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you" -lifehouse, broken.

"guess, if anything, it's about taking chances, even when you think you've run out of them. It's about forgiveness and unconditional love, even when it seems like you should only do the opposite. It's about trusting that God puts people in your life at certain moments so that you can capitalize the oppurtunity. It's all about the possibility. It's all about what you do with those possibilities. Life is short, but it moves fast. Hang on and enjoy the ride. And when someone comes along with whom you enjoy spending the ride with, hold on tight."

PLEASE just guide me, i don't know what i'm getting myself into.

lovealways,