I am frustrated.
So much to explain about that though. It all starts from the littlest thing and builds up to be something bigger. I know I want to trust God with everything. But thats hard. No ones able to do it 100% of the time. No matter how hard you try you eventually just want to do it your way, not God's way. I find it so hard to just let everything go sometimes and let God handle it, you know. Like some things I just want to resolve right away, or like find the solution for right away. I can't just sit back and let god take control of the steering wheel of my life sometimes. I find it super crazy to know that I'm not in control. Sometimes I can't stand others controlling me. Then there's times where I wish others would just control everything so I could just sit back and relax. It's also kind of scary to know that theres someone out there whose got this plan for you. I mean, maybe I want to make my own plan, but no - Come to think of it I'd rather follow God's plan and do what he's set out for me.
At the moment I'm frustrated with having a boyfriend who lives farther away whom I cannot see or talk to for whiles on end. Last time I even got to see him was a week and a couple days ago. It's hard on me. I'm the kind of person who needs someone around most of the time. I need affection and loving. I'm kind of needy in that way. I know God's always there to love me and give me affection, but to have someone on earth in human form is needed sometimes too. Just sometimes I wish there was actually an easy button in life. One I could press when things get too frustrating and I can't deal with it. Just things in my life are building up right now that are creating frustration and sadness. I pray to God for him to help me out in this, to make my relationships better with people. But I also have to understand that God doesn't always fix things overnight. Some things he likes to take time on, and others he likes to do in a snap. It's the waiting for him to do things that kill me. God doesn't always answer prayers with a yes or no. Sometimes it's a "not right now," or a "you don't need that." Which, at times, can be tough to handle.
Being at camp this summer made me realize what kind of relationships I was missing in my life. I had a lot of negative people who were bringing me down. Through camp I made some amazing friendships, strengthened a few and came to know God so much closer. There was one night, where I had snuck out, and a bunch of us had met in the dining hall. We're all sitting around talking and I just didn't want to sit at all. I felt sick to my stomach. One of the good buddies I made, Spencer, kept making me drink water. It felt so nice to have a friend who actually cared about how I felt, and wanted me to feel better. He felt like a brother watching over me, and that's what I actually consider him. Seeing as all the friends I have at school make me feel like crap, and just disrespect me alot. This is something I've gotten sick of over the past two-three years. I've realized I need better friends than that, I need some actual Christian friends. Then God also brought five other good friends into my life. Some people who I could actually talk to, and share stuff with. This felt amazing and I was so glad.
One night after David's, the speaker at camp, teaching, everyone was allowed the choice of staying behind to pray to god, and just sit there to reflect. I did that, and I definitely prayed out to god. I asked him for guidance and advice and just to forgive me of everything that I ever did wrong. It felt so good to just completely cry out to god. I know I had tears streaming down my face, I know that my face was all swollen and puffy from crying, I know that people could see I was letting it all out. But I didn't care, I didn't care that someone might think I looked ugly because my eyes were swollen. My friends there saw I had been crying, and actually cared if i was alright. They gave me hugs, and it felt so good. That night I realized that my life was going to be hard, but I was going to have some amazing people helping me through it, and I definitely had God on my side.
and that's one thing thats always going to help me in life. Having god on my side.
So much to explain about that though. It all starts from the littlest thing and builds up to be something bigger. I know I want to trust God with everything. But thats hard. No ones able to do it 100% of the time. No matter how hard you try you eventually just want to do it your way, not God's way. I find it so hard to just let everything go sometimes and let God handle it, you know. Like some things I just want to resolve right away, or like find the solution for right away. I can't just sit back and let god take control of the steering wheel of my life sometimes. I find it super crazy to know that I'm not in control. Sometimes I can't stand others controlling me. Then there's times where I wish others would just control everything so I could just sit back and relax. It's also kind of scary to know that theres someone out there whose got this plan for you. I mean, maybe I want to make my own plan, but no - Come to think of it I'd rather follow God's plan and do what he's set out for me.
At the moment I'm frustrated with having a boyfriend who lives farther away whom I cannot see or talk to for whiles on end. Last time I even got to see him was a week and a couple days ago. It's hard on me. I'm the kind of person who needs someone around most of the time. I need affection and loving. I'm kind of needy in that way. I know God's always there to love me and give me affection, but to have someone on earth in human form is needed sometimes too. Just sometimes I wish there was actually an easy button in life. One I could press when things get too frustrating and I can't deal with it. Just things in my life are building up right now that are creating frustration and sadness. I pray to God for him to help me out in this, to make my relationships better with people. But I also have to understand that God doesn't always fix things overnight. Some things he likes to take time on, and others he likes to do in a snap. It's the waiting for him to do things that kill me. God doesn't always answer prayers with a yes or no. Sometimes it's a "not right now," or a "you don't need that." Which, at times, can be tough to handle.
Being at camp this summer made me realize what kind of relationships I was missing in my life. I had a lot of negative people who were bringing me down. Through camp I made some amazing friendships, strengthened a few and came to know God so much closer. There was one night, where I had snuck out, and a bunch of us had met in the dining hall. We're all sitting around talking and I just didn't want to sit at all. I felt sick to my stomach. One of the good buddies I made, Spencer, kept making me drink water. It felt so nice to have a friend who actually cared about how I felt, and wanted me to feel better. He felt like a brother watching over me, and that's what I actually consider him. Seeing as all the friends I have at school make me feel like crap, and just disrespect me alot. This is something I've gotten sick of over the past two-three years. I've realized I need better friends than that, I need some actual Christian friends. Then God also brought five other good friends into my life. Some people who I could actually talk to, and share stuff with. This felt amazing and I was so glad.
One night after David's, the speaker at camp, teaching, everyone was allowed the choice of staying behind to pray to god, and just sit there to reflect. I did that, and I definitely prayed out to god. I asked him for guidance and advice and just to forgive me of everything that I ever did wrong. It felt so good to just completely cry out to god. I know I had tears streaming down my face, I know that my face was all swollen and puffy from crying, I know that people could see I was letting it all out. But I didn't care, I didn't care that someone might think I looked ugly because my eyes were swollen. My friends there saw I had been crying, and actually cared if i was alright. They gave me hugs, and it felt so good. That night I realized that my life was going to be hard, but I was going to have some amazing people helping me through it, and I definitely had God on my side.
and that's one thing thats always going to help me in life. Having god on my side.
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