how can I get so far away.
just months ago I was so close.
time puts distance between us.
and every time i think I'm going to come back,
or that I'll finally be in your presence,
i find myself pulling farther away.
When will I realize that time knows no value, and distance isn't an issue.
You're always there... I just got to remember and take a moment to think.
When I'm away from you, the world seems distant too.
It may seem like it's all good, but it's really not.
Because when I'm close with you, I know I have it all.
I've lost things I wish I hadn't. Done things I know I shouldn't.
But you can bring back those things I've lost, and erase the shame I made for myself.
Even if no one else knows it.
I'm asking for another second chance, even though, in reality this is probably more in the thousands, or millions of a chance. Just change me.. I've forgotten who I am.
I need to find myself in you.. again.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
what am i to do.
I ache inside for something that's not there.
I thought this would be my happy ever after, instead I'm filled with disaster.
The turning emotions, overflow within my heart.
and I knew this right from the start.
I'd be stuck somewhere between friend and more,
and god, do I ever wish I knew what was in the future.
But you've gone away, and whose to say
whether you'll stay true to what you told me before.
An emotion that sticks out, perhaps I'm scared.
I'm scared to know if you feel the same, like you told,
or whether I'm just something now thats old.
What did I get myself into again?
A returning cycle, a new toll on my heart.
God please just fix it, make it what i desire.
I need that burning fire.
I thought this would be my happy ever after, instead I'm filled with disaster.
The turning emotions, overflow within my heart.
and I knew this right from the start.
I'd be stuck somewhere between friend and more,
and god, do I ever wish I knew what was in the future.
But you've gone away, and whose to say
whether you'll stay true to what you told me before.
An emotion that sticks out, perhaps I'm scared.
I'm scared to know if you feel the same, like you told,
or whether I'm just something now thats old.
What did I get myself into again?
A returning cycle, a new toll on my heart.
God please just fix it, make it what i desire.
I need that burning fire.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
right where i am.
When you come to an edge of all that you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown.....
Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen;
There is something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly.
God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the call.
and he talks through the whispers, not through the yelling.
Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen;
There is something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly.
God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the call.
and he talks through the whispers, not through the yelling.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
hear ye hear ye.
Who is Church for anyway?
Church is for the liers, the cheaters, the adulturors, those who cuss, those whose lives are falling apart at the seams. Church is for the 16-year-old unwed, single mother, for the people who are crushed and broken "beyond repair," for those whose marriages have failed or whose marriages are struggling. Church is for the dysfunctional families, the addicts and alcoholics, for those that have done jail time... and yes, even for the murderers.
Church isn't for the perfect people... It's for the imperfect, the broken, the bruised, beaten and abused, the soiled... and the sinner... because if the people in Church were perfect, they wouldn't need to be there. Church is about coming to God, getting to know Him, and being made new again (you know, like a "do-over" or a clean slate). It's about acknowledging that you aren't perfect and you need the gift of grace and forgiveness for your sins and mistakes which is only available through God's son, Jesus Christ.
Friday, April 17, 2009
take me as i am.
Take me as I am, use me how you will.
My heart belongs to god, and the guy i'm yet to meet, or have already met.
If you don't agree with that, then too bad for you.
Monday, April 13, 2009
beg.
Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.
tonight, not happy.. thanks for making me wait for an hour then never show up. Really big thanks there, not quite.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Gonna be okay.
I dreamed and prayed through the night,
Please send some grace with your morning light
And he sent you along like a summer day
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face
And a bird flew by singing eveything's gonna be, ok yeah
So we laughed all day with the man in the moon
And we thanked the good Lord for the afternoon
'Cause he showed me His love by sending me you
And it's ok now
Everything's ok
Please send some grace with your morning light
And he sent you along like a summer day
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face
And a bird flew by singing eveything's gonna be, ok yeah
So we laughed all day with the man in the moon
And we thanked the good Lord for the afternoon
'Cause he showed me His love by sending me you
And it's ok now
Everything's ok
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
gone away.
I had a dream about being raptured... and my teeth glowed, and everyone who was going up to heaven's teeth glowed a bright white. And the ones who weren't ... didn't. And I didn't like what i saw. People whom i loved didn't go with me. Hopefully I am wrong, and god shows his grace, compassion and mercy to them.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
it's in the simplest of words,
its in the softest touch,
it can be known without being spoken,
you can be born with it,
it can overcome great heights,
it can be vast, yes so specific,
some know of it, most do not,
it can comfort some but put fear into many,
without it you are nothing,
with it you have everything,
it can make even the darkest corner bright,
it can fill you up with hope for a better tomorrow,
it's there for you when many are not,
it wants you much more than you want it,
it can make the weakest person strong...
gods love.
I found this and thought it was really true..
“Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.”
just going to church doesn't mean your a christian, even if you live in the poorest of poor countries and your a christian, you may not go to a church but you still have that desire for God.
its in the softest touch,
it can be known without being spoken,
you can be born with it,
it can overcome great heights,
it can be vast, yes so specific,
some know of it, most do not,
it can comfort some but put fear into many,
without it you are nothing,
with it you have everything,
it can make even the darkest corner bright,
it can fill you up with hope for a better tomorrow,
it's there for you when many are not,
it wants you much more than you want it,
it can make the weakest person strong...
gods love.
I found this and thought it was really true..
“Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.”
just going to church doesn't mean your a christian, even if you live in the poorest of poor countries and your a christian, you may not go to a church but you still have that desire for God.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
save me.
"guess, if anything, it's about taking chances, even when you think you've run out of them. It's about forgiveness and unconditional love, even when it seems like you should only do the opposite. It's about trusting that God puts people in your life at certain moments so that you can capitalize the opportunity. It's all about the possibility. It's all about what you do with those possibilities. Life is short, but it moves fast. Hang on and enjoy the ride. And when someone comes along with whom you enjoy spending the ride with, hold on tight."
and its at this point in life, that those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Because you figure out who matters; who never did and who always will. You find that those who you thought were your friend, talk behind your back. You find that your two best friends can grow apart from you because they're dating each other. That this can bother you, and they spend so much time with each other and never with you. You find yourself never texting people because you think if they're worth your time, they'll text you. You figure out that boys aren't the center of your life, and just because everyone around you has one, you don't need one too. You figure that if someone really wants to hang out with you, talk to you, they'll make the effort to do so because you've given up trying. You find out that boys you like, might never like you back and it hurts but you get over it. You find that never regretting things is good, what you do in your life makes you who are you, and who you are is what God had planned. You find that you go through the rough times to get to the good, and most of the time, it's worth the roughness to have those few good times. You find out that spending too much time with someone can cause you to go crazy, but as soon as their gone for awhile you miss them like crazy. You find out that life moves too fast, and sometimes you wish to slow it down, but then when life is moving so slowly, you want to speed it up. When matter of factly you just want that perfect speed of coasting through life, slowing down the good parts and speeding up the bad ones. You find out that family just doesn't mean by blood. You find out that god is all you need, twenty-four-seven. All day, everyday, all the time, anytime. You find that its hard to be perfect but you strive for it anyways. You find out that you get jealous because someone has something you desire to have, but you can't get it and it sucks but you move on.
You find out that you're you, and thats all you're ever going to be, so now its time to accept it.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
more song, ♥ by moi
Devils Got A Hold.
He's got the fallen angels,
he's got the demons of the night.
he's got the hand of temptation,
and a mouth full of lies.
he tries to destroy, steal and kill,
through his own thoughtless will.
he's got determination to ruin,
the spotless and pure, gods chosen few.
your unworthy of god tonight,
the devils got you cornered.
what he tells you is half true,
your life is almost over..
your fighting for the wrong cause
and the devils got you singing the wrong song.
'cuz hells not as pretty as heaven,
theres no gold paved streets,
if you listen to God tonight
he'll make ends meet.
God's the one who gives you life
he's the one who helps you dream at night.
He loves you for all the right reasons,
even when you don't please him.
the devils got a hold of you,
he's got you like a marionette.
if you don't scream out for God tonight
then you'll die a shameful death.
you're fighting for the wrong cause
and the devils got you singing the wrong song.
'cuz hell's not as pretty as heaven,
there's no gold paved streets.
if you listen to God tonight,
he'll make ends meet.
Dear Child, i am the truth, the way, the life
follow me and do whats right.
life's rough around the edges
but it's worth the ride if you're by my side.
I know it's going to be tough,
I know it's not going to be easy,
but i'll give you my undying love,
if you just come with me.
you're fighting for the wrong cause
and the devils got you singing the wrong song.
'cuz hell's not as pretty as heaven,
but I can mend this.
I'll give you a life worth livin'
if only you'll believe in..
that i'll save you,
you have nothing to lose.
God's gonna make ends meet.
make them meet.....
Tonight.
He's got the fallen angels,
he's got the demons of the night.
he's got the hand of temptation,
and a mouth full of lies.
he tries to destroy, steal and kill,
through his own thoughtless will.
he's got determination to ruin,
the spotless and pure, gods chosen few.
your unworthy of god tonight,
the devils got you cornered.
what he tells you is half true,
your life is almost over..
your fighting for the wrong cause
and the devils got you singing the wrong song.
'cuz hells not as pretty as heaven,
theres no gold paved streets,
if you listen to God tonight
he'll make ends meet.
God's the one who gives you life
he's the one who helps you dream at night.
He loves you for all the right reasons,
even when you don't please him.
the devils got a hold of you,
he's got you like a marionette.
if you don't scream out for God tonight
then you'll die a shameful death.
you're fighting for the wrong cause
and the devils got you singing the wrong song.
'cuz hell's not as pretty as heaven,
there's no gold paved streets.
if you listen to God tonight,
he'll make ends meet.
Dear Child, i am the truth, the way, the life
follow me and do whats right.
life's rough around the edges
but it's worth the ride if you're by my side.
I know it's going to be tough,
I know it's not going to be easy,
but i'll give you my undying love,
if you just come with me.
you're fighting for the wrong cause
and the devils got you singing the wrong song.
'cuz hell's not as pretty as heaven,
but I can mend this.
I'll give you a life worth livin'
if only you'll believe in..
that i'll save you,
you have nothing to lose.
God's gonna make ends meet.
make them meet.....
Tonight.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Yours.
Every day, every hour, every minute, every second.your breath runs through my soul
You long to hold me, whenever i call.
in the light you are there,
in the darkness you still find me,
every waking moment you surround me.
filling up every aching hole.
in my sadness you weep tears,
for me.
society today, makes me forget who i am,
let alone do they know,
i am yours.
how could I be so stupid,
to forget that i am worth it,
especially in your eyes.
even though my struggles seem so hard,
and my burden seems so big,
I call out to you, and you forgive.
I'm going to surround myself with you,
I'm going to find myself whats true,
and even when the world weighs down,
and i'm lost, you make me found,
just remember who i am,
I am yours.
Because,
in the light you will see,
in the darkness you will shine,
every waking moment you surround me.
my struggles they are hard,
my burden may be big,
but I'll call out to you,
and you forgive.
remember who i am (who i am),
'cause I am yours.
I'm going to surround myself with you,
I'm going to find myself whats true,
and even when the world weighs down,
and i'm lost, you make me found,
just remember who i am,
I am yours.
Who I am,
Oh, who I am.
Who i am.
I am yours.
-by nikki, July 5th 1:24 Am.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
whats the obsession over relationships?
I find myself always obsessing over that I don't have a boyfriend. I've been single for so long, that it feels like in order to be happy I need someone to step in and take the role. The thing is all the guys I like, either don't like me, or already have girlfriends. Which in a way, is not good wanting someone whose already taken. Then when they do become single, they're already liking someone else. It's like, hello, i'm right infront of your face, yet you can't see me, or just sidestep me, not even think about it.
It's possibly not even the fact that I don't have a boyfriend, it's moreso the fact that i don't think any guy likes me, and its also the fact that because since I don't think anyone likes me, it makes me feel as though I'm not good enough for a boyfriend. (Which is dumb seeing as i've had guys like me before, and yada) but still. It's the thought that gets put into your head, the one there that makes you think in order to be happy you have to be dating someone. Which is not true, i'm totally fine with not dating anyone, i just get sick of it sometimes. Being single, not attached. I'm more of an attachable person. Not a clingy one, bah, its just hard to explain.
and i guess this whole blabbing on is mostly about how I like this guy, who never seems to like me, but will always like other girls. It's like.. hello.. i'm standing right infront of your face. And it's not like he's totally like he hates me or anything, he flirts with me and stuff, which is probably a bad thing, because then it makes it harder for me to realize that I'm probably never going to date him. Hah. Gosh, i hate guys.
I find myself always obsessing over that I don't have a boyfriend. I've been single for so long, that it feels like in order to be happy I need someone to step in and take the role. The thing is all the guys I like, either don't like me, or already have girlfriends. Which in a way, is not good wanting someone whose already taken. Then when they do become single, they're already liking someone else. It's like, hello, i'm right infront of your face, yet you can't see me, or just sidestep me, not even think about it.
It's possibly not even the fact that I don't have a boyfriend, it's moreso the fact that i don't think any guy likes me, and its also the fact that because since I don't think anyone likes me, it makes me feel as though I'm not good enough for a boyfriend. (Which is dumb seeing as i've had guys like me before, and yada) but still. It's the thought that gets put into your head, the one there that makes you think in order to be happy you have to be dating someone. Which is not true, i'm totally fine with not dating anyone, i just get sick of it sometimes. Being single, not attached. I'm more of an attachable person. Not a clingy one, bah, its just hard to explain.
and i guess this whole blabbing on is mostly about how I like this guy, who never seems to like me, but will always like other girls. It's like.. hello.. i'm standing right infront of your face. And it's not like he's totally like he hates me or anything, he flirts with me and stuff, which is probably a bad thing, because then it makes it harder for me to realize that I'm probably never going to date him. Hah. Gosh, i hate guys.
Monday, May 19, 2008
embracing accusation.
The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!
The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation
Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!
Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!
-shane & shane.
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!
The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation
Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!
Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!
-shane & shane.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
unashamed
"stutter stance, take a chance, just take a chance."
So i really want to go and do Street Invaders this summer, along with Plunge. but the thing is, I leave for Street Invaders and the next day i'm straight off to Plunge. (The day i get back from street invaders) So really. I'm just not knowing what to do. If I do Street Invaders, I can't do wakeboard camp, but if I don't do Street Invaders this year I will for surely do it next year. I want to so much. I've just heard such positive things about it, that i want to do it. It seems like it would be a ton of fun, and a great way to get closer to God.
At this point I'm really just kinda waiting to hear what God wants me to do, what he's calling me to do.
One thing I find so hard is to do daily devotion. Some weeks I'll be so good at it, and then after a couple weeks, a month or two, I start forgetting to do it, or just become way to lazy. I just feel this is definitely not good. I have a journal i write in, and it ends up being a week before I write again. I just feel too lazy to do anything, or not motivated enough to even reach an arms length away from my bed and grab my pen and notebook and write something to God. I wonder how God must feel when he knows that I know it's not difficult, but i just choose not to anyways. That's gotta be rough, and also like a stab in the back for all that he's given me when I can't do one simple thing. Rough.
I am so stoked for YC. It's kind of hard to explain, it's like i can wait for it, yet at the same time I can't. I'm kind of weary because I know I won't really have specific people who i can hang out with. I'll kind of be all over the place, because i'm not greatly fantastic friends with specific people. The thing is, the people who I am better friends with, have other friends going, so then I think that I'll probably be left out. Which is why my thinking is making me think that it won't be as enjoyable as it should be. The whole weekend should be about God, not myself. SO maybe I better change my thinking.
I just feel so tired and restless right now in life, like I can never get enough sleep. Maybe it's not real life tiredness, but I'm restless with my walk with God. Maybe i'm not trying hard enough, maybe i'm just not doing this right. I wish I could be perfect, but then again I don't. I like making mistakes, and i guess falling away from god sometimes is a mistake, but then i'm glad to get back on the right track with him. God just lead me in my life, I don't know where i'm going, but i got you shining the light on my path.
and I really wish I knew where I was going, or who i am going to meet, or who i'm going to marry, but i guess that takes the excitement out of life.
"Here I am at your feet
in brokenness complete."
So i really want to go and do Street Invaders this summer, along with Plunge. but the thing is, I leave for Street Invaders and the next day i'm straight off to Plunge. (The day i get back from street invaders) So really. I'm just not knowing what to do. If I do Street Invaders, I can't do wakeboard camp, but if I don't do Street Invaders this year I will for surely do it next year. I want to so much. I've just heard such positive things about it, that i want to do it. It seems like it would be a ton of fun, and a great way to get closer to God.
At this point I'm really just kinda waiting to hear what God wants me to do, what he's calling me to do.
One thing I find so hard is to do daily devotion. Some weeks I'll be so good at it, and then after a couple weeks, a month or two, I start forgetting to do it, or just become way to lazy. I just feel this is definitely not good. I have a journal i write in, and it ends up being a week before I write again. I just feel too lazy to do anything, or not motivated enough to even reach an arms length away from my bed and grab my pen and notebook and write something to God. I wonder how God must feel when he knows that I know it's not difficult, but i just choose not to anyways. That's gotta be rough, and also like a stab in the back for all that he's given me when I can't do one simple thing. Rough.
I am so stoked for YC. It's kind of hard to explain, it's like i can wait for it, yet at the same time I can't. I'm kind of weary because I know I won't really have specific people who i can hang out with. I'll kind of be all over the place, because i'm not greatly fantastic friends with specific people. The thing is, the people who I am better friends with, have other friends going, so then I think that I'll probably be left out. Which is why my thinking is making me think that it won't be as enjoyable as it should be. The whole weekend should be about God, not myself. SO maybe I better change my thinking.
I just feel so tired and restless right now in life, like I can never get enough sleep. Maybe it's not real life tiredness, but I'm restless with my walk with God. Maybe i'm not trying hard enough, maybe i'm just not doing this right. I wish I could be perfect, but then again I don't. I like making mistakes, and i guess falling away from god sometimes is a mistake, but then i'm glad to get back on the right track with him. God just lead me in my life, I don't know where i'm going, but i got you shining the light on my path.
and I really wish I knew where I was going, or who i am going to meet, or who i'm going to marry, but i guess that takes the excitement out of life.
"Here I am at your feet
in brokenness complete."
Thursday, March 20, 2008
dreamin'
and it's at times like these that i wonder why i struggle so much.
Is it because I'm not a perfect person, and i don't get everything i ever wanted.
is it because i get most of what i want, but the true things deep down that i badly want, i never get.
I only get the things i really don't need as much as I think.
I just want, what i dream of.
tis all.
Is it because I'm not a perfect person, and i don't get everything i ever wanted.
is it because i get most of what i want, but the true things deep down that i badly want, i never get.
I only get the things i really don't need as much as I think.
I just want, what i dream of.
tis all.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
bring me closer.
your grace covers me freely, arms of love wrapped around me.
I stand in awe of your beauty.
and i humble myself at your feet.
Your breath runs through my soul and it fills up every empty hole.
and i just want to be loved by you.
can't you see its what i want you to do.
let my mouth speak for you,
let my eyes see for you.
You're my everything and anything,
the most important thing.
Lord draw me closer..
I want to be closer.
when i cry out you hear me, and all of my thoughts you see.
you know when I fall out of place,
i'm needing your saving grace.
so, let my mouth speak for you,
let my eyes see for you.
You're my everything and anything,
the most important thing.
Lord draw me closer..
I want to be closer.
all i want is to be closer to you...
AND another song i've written.
with no title yet.
There is sunshine over those hills
and everything in life stands still.
sunrises, and sunsets
i'll live my life with no regrets.
so as the sun dances on those hills
my heart stands still.
i've got the chills - early morning daze,
it's all apart of the life you gave.
ever wonder what its like to be perfect,
to feel like your worth it?
I often wonder what i can do to be sinless,
perhaps to live without life's stress.
i'm not the only one falling short, and i know..
woahhh.
Cause' i've fallen out of place
and i need your saving grace.
so can you save me, i need you to save me.
Cause' when i'm falling apart, bring me back to the start.
oh lord i need you in my heart.
please just save me.
ever wonder what its like to be perfect,
to feel like your worth it?
I often wonder what i can do to be sinless,
perhaps to live without life's stress.
i'm not the only one falling short, and i know..
woahhh.
Cause' i've fallen out of place
and i need your saving grace.
so can you save me, i need you to save me.
Cause' when i'm falling apart, bring me back to the start.
oh lord i need you in my heart.
please just save me.
voila. even though. I think I'm terrible at writing songs, and I haven't even gotten a beat or anything set to them cuz I can't play any instruments so it kinda sucks haha.
I stand in awe of your beauty.
and i humble myself at your feet.
Your breath runs through my soul and it fills up every empty hole.
and i just want to be loved by you.
can't you see its what i want you to do.
let my mouth speak for you,
let my eyes see for you.
You're my everything and anything,
the most important thing.
Lord draw me closer..
I want to be closer.
when i cry out you hear me, and all of my thoughts you see.
you know when I fall out of place,
i'm needing your saving grace.
so, let my mouth speak for you,
let my eyes see for you.
You're my everything and anything,
the most important thing.
Lord draw me closer..
I want to be closer.
all i want is to be closer to you...
AND another song i've written.
with no title yet.
There is sunshine over those hills
and everything in life stands still.
sunrises, and sunsets
i'll live my life with no regrets.
so as the sun dances on those hills
my heart stands still.
i've got the chills - early morning daze,
it's all apart of the life you gave.
ever wonder what its like to be perfect,
to feel like your worth it?
I often wonder what i can do to be sinless,
perhaps to live without life's stress.
i'm not the only one falling short, and i know..
woahhh.
Cause' i've fallen out of place
and i need your saving grace.
so can you save me, i need you to save me.
Cause' when i'm falling apart, bring me back to the start.
oh lord i need you in my heart.
please just save me.
ever wonder what its like to be perfect,
to feel like your worth it?
I often wonder what i can do to be sinless,
perhaps to live without life's stress.
i'm not the only one falling short, and i know..
woahhh.
Cause' i've fallen out of place
and i need your saving grace.
so can you save me, i need you to save me.
Cause' when i'm falling apart, bring me back to the start.
oh lord i need you in my heart.
please just save me.
voila. even though. I think I'm terrible at writing songs, and I haven't even gotten a beat or anything set to them cuz I can't play any instruments so it kinda sucks haha.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
i can only imagine.
Do you know what it feels like to go through the thought process that maybe you best friends had just died. I had one of the scariest nights the other night. I was texting a friend and it must've been around 1 in the morning, and they were driving home another friend too. Out of no where in the middle of a text they stopped texting me. I got so worried. I thought maybe I had created an accident. Maybe my texting them, and having them text me back had killed them. I got so worried, i texted them like 5 times asking if they were alright and to text me back soon if they were. I thought maybe I had just lost two of my good friends. I was worried til near 3 in the morning where I finally fell asleep. At 4 in the morning, my cell phone started ringing, immediately I woke up and looked and it was the person who had suddenly stopped texitng me. I picked it up, and all I heard was nothing, no sounds, no background noise. Nothing. So I got scared even more, and kinda just let it be and went back to bed. In the morning I woke up to a text saying that the person had fallen asleep while texting me and their phone was left open. During the middle of the morning they must've accidently pressed something on their phone while asleep that made their phone call me.
It's just a realization that I'm not quite sure what I would do without those two people in my life. It makes me also realize what I would do if I didn't have all the people in my life I have now. Because at one point I didn't, and that was hell. I can imagine what life would be like without those people, and I don't want that. I want those people in my life, and if I have to fight like hell to keep some of them, I will.
It's just a realization that I'm not quite sure what I would do without those two people in my life. It makes me also realize what I would do if I didn't have all the people in my life I have now. Because at one point I didn't, and that was hell. I can imagine what life would be like without those people, and I don't want that. I want those people in my life, and if I have to fight like hell to keep some of them, I will.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
forgiven.
"I pray away the pain you feel from all the things that went wrong"
So I have this friend right now that's going through alot of stuff. I wish I could just take every single little pain they feel away. Everything that's going wrong in their life right now, I wish I could just make it all better. If only there was something I could do, but there's nothing. It's making me feel so small, and horrible to see one of my good friends go through this. The only thing I can do is pray, and pray hard. Pray that everything will work itself out and be alright. Pray that my friend will realize that God does things for a reason and perhaps this is to test them on something.
But i'm still stuck feeling helpless like there is something I could do. Something more than just offering comforting words that probably don't help at all. I feel helpless, and useless. But I shouldn't be worrying about what I feel like, instead what my friend feels like.
"Father, I’m going through some heavy things
It seems like this world ain’t getting any better"
Thats pretty much what it's like for my friend, things just keep piling up, and I feel bad for having a decent week kinda. While they're gone.. worrying their head off about what they're going to do. If only there was more... if only.
So I have this friend right now that's going through alot of stuff. I wish I could just take every single little pain they feel away. Everything that's going wrong in their life right now, I wish I could just make it all better. If only there was something I could do, but there's nothing. It's making me feel so small, and horrible to see one of my good friends go through this. The only thing I can do is pray, and pray hard. Pray that everything will work itself out and be alright. Pray that my friend will realize that God does things for a reason and perhaps this is to test them on something.
But i'm still stuck feeling helpless like there is something I could do. Something more than just offering comforting words that probably don't help at all. I feel helpless, and useless. But I shouldn't be worrying about what I feel like, instead what my friend feels like.
"Father, I’m going through some heavy things
It seems like this world ain’t getting any better"
Thats pretty much what it's like for my friend, things just keep piling up, and I feel bad for having a decent week kinda. While they're gone.. worrying their head off about what they're going to do. If only there was more... if only.
Monday, November 5, 2007
when you least expect it.
So I get hit yesterday with one of the things that could just ruin your day. Why God let it happen, I don't know. Especially since I had just gotten baptised. It's like Bam, lets ruin nikki's day, and the rest of her grade ten. When she'll probably never see him again after that or anything. Everything was fine up until that point, and somehow something happened that caused him to tell me that it just wouldn't work. After everything, I had been led on, and yet one of his favorite songs is "baby, you've got to be more discerning" I wish.. I wish I was so I wouldn't let my heart fall time and time again.
lovealways
lovealways
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